Exam Stress: What it is, why we may experience it, and how to help
Late Spring heralds good things to come: sunnier, warmer days, enjoying being outside with all the wellbeing that brings, and the promise of summer, holidays and relaxation. But for many families, exams are a time more associated with stress.
It’s easy to see exams as just part of school life, but for many young people, they can feel overwhelming. It’s not all bad – exams are an opportunity to have a go at showcasing hard work, skills and gain some well-deserved recognition. For some, that stress becomes motivating. For others, particularly neurodivergent or anxious pupils, it can feel paralysing. As a parent, knowing how to support your child through this time can make a huge difference. So it’s helpful to look more closely at what stress is, why it can get triggered to an unhelpful level by exams, and the resulting impact on our minds, bodies, and actions.
Understanding stress
Our children aren’t being dramatic when they say exams feel like a “crisis.” The brain is responding in a very real way to what it perceives as a threat.
Thousands of years ago, humans survived by being able to react quickly to danger. That ancient ‘fight or flight’ response is controlled by a part of the brain called the amygdala. Even now, when we face a stressful situation, like sitting an exam, the amygdala floods the body with adrenaline. Heart rates rise. Thoughts become rushed and negative. Muscles tense, and it becomes harder to think clearly. For example, if we were on a bus going to work and it breaks down, our brain perceives this as a threat, setting off the Amygdala to activate the response. However, a racing heart and urges to run away or get angry will just amplify the problem, instead we just need to feel relaxed and have a space to think things though. The result? Stress.
Exams are unfamiliar, high-stakes, and infrequent, making them the perfect storm for stress. While a bit of nervous energy can help sharpen focus, the challenge comes when this response overwhelms the brain’s ability to think logically. Suddenly, your child might experience:
- Racing heart, racing thoughts, unable to focus on a task
- Negative automatic thoughts
- Feeling dizzy or nauseous
- Headaches, migraines
- Finding it hard to fall asleep, sleep problems
- Urges to avoid revision and put it off
- Feeling irritable, cross and upset
- Poor appetite or overeating
- Revise all the time and feel overwhelmed and exhausted
- Feeling ‘stuck’, unable to know where to start and unhappy
- Feeling generally dysregulated and unable to settle
Recognising these signs for what they are – a natural stress response – is the first step to helping your child regain a sense of control.
How parents can help
Once we know that this horrible feeling is ‘just stress’, we can start to take charge. One of the first things to do is to take charge of the feeling itself. The goal isn’t to eliminate stress entirely, but to help your child manage it so it becomes a source of energy rather than fear.
Let your child know it’s OK to feel stressed, and that everyone does during exams. Naming it as “just stress” helps them see it as a normal response, not a failure.
Exercise helps the body process stress by maintaining healthy levels of cortisol, a hormone responsible for the stress response. It also increases the production of endorphins – your brain’s feel-good neurotransmitters, increases self-confidence and improves sleep and relaxation. Timetabling in rest breaks and doing something mindful such as colouring activity, being in nature, or listening to music, taking time for sport/leisure, good sleep hygiene, healthy meals, socialising, and deep focus on relaxing activities are all important to maintain regulation and reduce stress responses.
Your child needs reassurance more than reminders. Instead of “Have you revised?” try: “How’s your revision going today? Need a break?”
These thoughts can become the action points for behaviours that support exam preparation. By engaging in revision and therefore frequently ‘facing your fears’, the subject content becomes familiar which in turn then reduces stress in the exams themselves.
And remember…..
At the end of the day, remind them: all they can do is give it their best. Success isn’t the same for everyone – and exams are just one part of the journey.
You can’t sit the exams for them, but your support, belief, and calm presence are powerful. Celebrate the effort, reassure when it’s hard, and keep the bigger picture in mind. With your support, they are never alone.